Colin's Blog July 2008

Mr Happy strikes out

Sync is a new programme that aims to energise, inform and ultimately change disabled and Deaf people’s relationship with leadership, by offering information and support, encouraging dialogue and designing leadership interventions.

Currently the sync website holds testaments from over 30 disabled people - some in response to questionnaires and some in response to targeted questions. There are plans to podcast selected interviewees and sync are putting a general call-out for more responses. The site reflects a range of perspectives on disability and leadership, from anonymous responses to the likes of politicians and arts directors. For example Lady Lockwood talks about her disability as an inconvenience rather than a cause for discrimination. Having come from a working class background, she talks about being motivated by her determination and her principles rather than any idea of her being a leader or a disabled person, for that matter.

Flicking through the reports, there is a general sense of a resistance – even embarrassment – at being considered a leader. I think the ideal understandably conjures cynicism rather than enthusiasm. In Alison Wilde’s sync she talks about an individual’s vision of themselves as a leader, as being shaped by exclusion and involvement. On a personal note this brings up the question about why we actively shun involvement, and therefore responsibility, because of our negative experiences. It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I had any sense of why anyone - let alone myself - would want to BE anything in the world. I was too traumatised by the ravages of domineering medical and religious authorities who saw what they did as right, with no thought on the moral dilemma of whether their decisions maimed or killed. I could only see power as a negative, having experienced and known truly blood-curling stories of inhumanity meted out by the psychiatric system.

I got involved with the survivor movement and the disability movement because it seemed to offer the possibility of at least sharing an ideal about shaping a fairer and a better world. On sync Johnny Crescendo talks about the best leaders having power thrust upon them out of necessity, rather than seeking power for themselves. The problem is that whether it is something we engineer or have thrust upon us, as we gain position in the eyes of others, so we grow into being people that we never thought we could have become - putting ourselves in situations that we have no benchmark for being able to deal with. New circumstances demand the kinds of inner strength that we often fall short of. It's like being a parent. There aren't any lessons you can learn beforehand that can prepare you for what it takes to feel you've done a good job - or even to know, really and truthfully what a 'good job' is.

My natural inclination is to disappear into the woodwork. Having been brought up to believe the world would end in 1975, I’ve spent over 30 years waking up each day, part of me wondering why we are still here. I carry on doing what I can yet a big part of me carries unrealistic expectations of myself and of the world. So, I’m constantly being motivated by a sense of failure – which makes the idea of knowing what it is I'm trying to achieve even more elusive. One thing I've learnt is that 'being lost' is a protection against failure - and the guilt that failure exerts over you. But it leads to a sense of victimization, which inevitably narrows any choices that may or may not present themselves. That is why in my artwork and in my writing I’ve always fought to challenge the tendency to hide, by exposing aspects of my life and my personality. After all, I’m not called Mr Happy for nothing.

Those of us who despise the capitalistic system have an uncomfortable relationship to power - how to choose it and how to challenge it. There is a dichotomy between the power one has as an individual - one's inner resources - and the power that we absorb from the labels that we take on. I agree with Paul Darke in his dao blog where he says that “our role as artists is to keep the human in humanity.” How do-able that it is I don’t know. Certainly the Disability Art movement has made an attempt to strike a chord for ‘difference’ as a positive social and moral outcome – yet it has faltered by persistently getting caught up with individual rather than collective concerns. In her sync Jo Verrent makes reference to the issue of the ‘disability hierarchy’ and the question of ‘how disabled do you have to be’ to consider yourself a disabled person. These attitudes within the Disability Arts movement have led to a strain of childish egotism that has limited our power to increase our influence and effectiveness.

Sync provides a golden opportunity to air your thoughts – anonymously if you so wish - on the impact of disability on your life. Sync100 offers those who sign up regular e-bulletins on ideas of leadership, coaching questions and an opportunity to express how you feel with others and eligibility to apply to be part of Sync 20, a bespoke tailor made training and coaching programme in the Autumn.

For more information go to www.syncleadership.co.uk